i was supposed to be back to blogging. with full joyfull accounts of my new job, how things haev been working out n all. but i think i got swiped by the devil. i was too slow i guess u snooze u loose. i should have taken my chance while the devil was on vacation.
well, the Devils back. maybe he had a terrible vacation somewhere n chooses to use me as a ounching bag cos he sure isd hitting hard n below the belly.
the or5iginal good news was that the jobs going very well. counldn't have asked for better at this time. the kids r extremely well adjusated at shcool. they seemed to fit right in.
now the other news is, i know this might coemas a shocker cos i think i am still really in disbelief.
hubby left us yesterday. yep i mean he packed his bags n he left. don't know where he is. i don't know where to start but the bottom line is i came back home to chaos. i opened his cellphone bill like i always do n noticed it was unsually high. brough it to his attention though he was kinda upset that it was that high, when i voluntered to take it up with the company, he kinda blew it off.
well i did investigate, i couldn't let it go. well i did find what i was looking for n more. over six mths worht of phone calls n text messages to 2 particular numbers that i did not recognize. at odd hr of the day. got acess to a couple of his text messages asking a certain female to be his friend again n then arrangements for them to meet.
i confronted him. we went thru the usual men bullshit. trying to turn things around on me. he eventually volunteerd that she was just a friend n she was going thru a rough time. blah blah blah. so who appointed u father xmas or better still i was aware that u had changed professions n become a therapist.
looked thru his phone book n ther n behold was the number stored under his guy friends name. i guess his friend had allof a sudden moved from maryland to atlanta cos now he has a atlanta number stored under his name.
yes i am airing out all my dirty laundry here. cos i wont tell anyone yet not even my mom. i don't think i can stand any i told u so right now. n i don't think i need the barage of phone calls either.
anyways, we kinda tralke d abt it. he begged me to let it go. then he called me at work the next day just to let me know that i had caused the girl to be kicked out of where she was staying. what the fuck!!! how in the world is that my problem?
yes i had called her in the midst of our argument so we could all tlak n get everythign out int he open. ofcourse he wouldn't so i ended up calling twice n hanging up cos he wouldn't say anything. but i guess her boyfriend or husnabd or whatever did not find it funny n maybe there ahd been other issues but that really isn't my concern. obvisously he must have felt she was doing something dirty b4 he went to the extent of kickign her out.
now back to my pwn problem. all hell has broken loose at this pt. i had been mentally preparing my self to find a way to work things out. according to hime it as nothing sexualn she was just a friend. silly me.
anyways i get home from work. n he is asking us to put this behind us. ok i am like fine. but i need to kown what happened. what is her name? how did u meet n what happened.
my husband became mute oh! refused to talk. all he was concerned abt was how i found out n why was i going thru his phone records.
at the end of the day. i hotld him i would move on if i could but what am i moving on from?. what happened? still wouldn't talk. told him that at this pt if he can't let it go n be more forthcoming and open abt it then obviosuly it was more serous than he makes it out to be n it means more to him. he had a choice to make at this pt. its either her n her kid or me n mines.
he's packed some of his things n gone. not a word.
its mothers day n i sure as hell don't know where my husband is.
i haven't cried or anything. i am not scared either i think i am still just in shock.
i guess part of me thinks he will be back at the same time part of me is begining to think abt what i am going to do with these kids. i sure as hell can't afford this darn mortgage with the girls tuition n other household bills.
i guess i better being realistic n start looking for an apartment. i am not moving back home cos i just started this job n i really like it. its given me the break that i have been looking for.
i have alot going on in my head right now n i probably won't be blogging for a while till i get things in some sort of order.
sooo, i am signign off yet again for another while. i guess till the devil goes on vacation again
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19 comments:
OMG! This is crazy. My dear pls take it easy, there is a lot at stake. Think of the children. Pls email me on omarao**aht**email.com
I'm so sorry to hear what's been going on! I am praying for you, your husband and kids.
Please stay calm and remember to pray for the best to come out of this. Remember that the little ones are too small to understand what's going on, so if you need to let off steam, don't do it in front of them. The one thing watching too much TV and Oprah has taught me over the years... the children come first!
My gut feeling is that he'll be back. Maybe he's just gone to get away from the situation and think things through. Sometimes, when men feel trapped in a corner (usually their own doing!) their first reaction is to retreat into silence or run and hide. They can never quite face the consequences of their own actions.
My advice to you... when he comes back, do not jump on him with more talking and accusations. Stay calm. Talk later. He's lost ALOT of face already b/c you have caught him in something he should not have been doing. All he'll try to do is try to shift the blame (and HIS guilt) on to you. Hear him out. If he doesn't want to talk. Leave it and get on with life... as normal as your hurt and anger will muster. After a short time (maybe a week) book somewhere where you can talk, away from the girls, perhaps a hotel room, and go there and have a full frank conversation.
If you want your marriage to continue, use that interval before the talk to really decide what you want to achieve by talking... more accusations, protestations of love, every single detail of what he's done... what will you gain from these things? Decide. Only then, should you bring them up.
If you do not want to continue in the marriage, also decide what is worth discussing... the girls, finances, living arrangements etc.
In my heart of hearts, I don't think this is something your marriage can not recover from. Many men have had "affairs", sexual or not, and they have been able to go on to have successful marriages. Many marriages have successfully survived worse things. Many will disagree with me... but if you love him, don't kick up a fuss (besides getting your apology and making it clear that it will NEVER be acceptable again)and move on through your life... perhaps have some counselling both together and individually to work through your issues. Life together is tough enough without allowing anger and bitterness to destroy the three good things that have come of this union... your daughters!!
Honey, there is just sooo much I wish to say to you to help give you strength and let you know that there will always be people to support you thru this life. Be strong.
If you do send an e-mail to Omara... she has my e-mail address already and can put us in touch if you wish. She's the one who called me late last night (I was in bed!!) and told me what she had just read on your blog... we were both very upset. We're here for you dear.
God Bless you and yours.
omara and dzzzybabe, i am at a loss for words. thanks you sooo much for reaching out to me. i will email omara later in the day. i am not certain of her email address. i will have to verify it with her. it has a number of asterics in it n i wasn't sure it came out right. i wil esnd her an email anyways n if it gets bounced back then i will knowits wrong.
i sure am glad i have people i can turn too without worrying abt any judegment being passed on me. not like i really care right now anyways. i will be in touch like. thank you both so much.
SNM, you are in our thoughts and prayers. Omara called me as well so I am sure we are all in agreement. What can I say??? God is on the throne. For the email address, remove all the ** and replace the "at" with @. Kemi
OMG!!!
bluntremi(at) yahoo (dot) com
Breathe, email me so I can give yo my numbers so you know you arent alone. You can cope, you will be fine and you had every right to ask those questions. Dont second guess yourself into thinking you are the wrong one here...you arent!!
My heart goes out to you. Pls email me when you can.
xoxoxoxo
Remi
as i read all theses heart felt responses can't help but wipe some tears. they r honestly the ist i have shared since the whole ordeal. i can feel the warmth men from here!!!!. thank you guys soo much. i promise to email u b4 the day ends n my work week starts. i just have soo much on my plate right now. all these brides that i am dealing with n their fast approaching weddings and my unproductive weekned has got me scrambling abit. besides i won't lie keeping my self busy really helps numb things for me.
It is well ok? I am gald you have people like omara to talk to. Everything will be ok and remeber that your marriage is worth fixing. just take it easy and believe me when I say everything will be ok. God bless
SNM: All the commenters have given you the best advice for such a sitiation. Please, please, please take it easy. I know that noone knows what you are going through, but please find a way to take it easy.
Life is difficult, but it is the way you get through the difficult times that will sometimes determine the rest of your life and those around you.
Remember that there are people who are praying for you and your family. Keep your children at the forfront of any decisions. God bless you.
I am soo sorry to hear this....As hard as it may sound try not too get too worked up on the whole situation.... Take each day with a grain of salt.....everythin happens for a reason
hello darling...
I know you are a bit swamped, but email me soon , ok??
take care of yourself...
Hope you are doing okay. No-one should have to go through this. pele.
and there you go again! chin up :)
Just wanted to check in on you, I hope your situation has improved since your last entry.
You know, that pretty much happened to me too. I wanted closure as well, like, who was she, what's her name, did yall have sex, etc...but he was mute and said it wasn't important. SO STUPID. Even with the cell phone calls late at night. Girl, I though I would never get over it. We been married 10years. Guess what, God is good. I left. Packed all my things and my kids and moved in with mom and dad. I never been happier. Not saying it was easy, but I have mental peace, I'm not worrying anymore. I can't explain it. But in your case, if he leaves, then let him go. I forgot the scripture in the bible that says that. Don't worry, you'll be just fine, you and the children. I just feel sorry for him and her. He's going to catch hell from this and she's going to reap this in her own marriage.
I agree with dzzzybabe too...this is something your marriage can bounce quickly back from. I've been through too in the marriage. I was I didn't delete the blog that I posted, oh well. Be still, don't do anything stupid, and God will give you an answer for your situation. If anything, you need to intercede for your husband's heart. One luv
ladya1speaks@yahoo.com
Hi girl! hope you are okay?
take care!
Hello! Just a quick line to say "hope you're well"... you emailed a few weeks ago and I know things are improving. Keep praying and you will see your happy marriage restored.
I hope you are okay? its been a while since your last update, don't worry the Lord will see you through... keep praying, don't lose hope.......
Just said a prayer for you. Stay blessed....
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