did anyone watch the new show the weddign bells last week? i think it came on on friday nite. it was an absolute riot. i will definately be glued to my spot on the couch this week.
well, the episode kinda struck a cord with me. last weeks episode was centered on a couple getting married but everyone was against it, n her father refused to contribute anything finanically to the wedding, cos they all thot it was a fraud. everyone thot the groom was gay nmaybe in denial or the bride was being blindfolded. anyways even the officiating minister initially refused to marry them until he was blackmailed.
it so happend that the guy is very straight but he grew up in a gay household with his gay father n partner. so hence his flat out flaming character. i guess if it talks n walks like a hen doesn't necesarily mean its a hen. the guy wears a feather boa around his neck, has a high pithced voice, loud, talks gay, walks gay, most of his friends r gay or transvestites e.t.c
anyways i say it strikes a cord cos: ok i was having a conversation a couple of mths ago with my ever troubling causing brother in law. did i mention hs is gay? anyways i was telling him abt the fact that practically everyone that was on my wedding train 3yrs ago is getting marreid this year.
him: really everyone
me: yeah, of course except u
him: hmm, even the light skinned guy i think his name was dave
me: yeah, u met his fiance, she was on the train too
him: u for real, they r getting married
me: yeah
him: chuckles
me: what, why r u laughing?
him: nothing, nothing
me: nah, there has to bee a reason u r laughing
him: n u said she is ur friend
me: yeah, we've known each other since high school
him: hmm, i don't want o cos any trouble, i don't even know if u can tell ur friend, but dave is queer
me: what do u mean
him: he is definately gay bunmi
me: what, u r crazy, why would u say soemthing like that. they have been togehter for almost 6 yrs now
him: bunmi, u know i am gay right? so i know these things
me: u r really crazy
him: i spent soemtimw wiv him, i think he was trying to hit on me
me:????
him: during the wedding, he kept coming up n trying to talk to me
me: and so? maybe he was just trying to be friendly
him: bunmi, after the ceremony, he invited me to come change my clothes at his house, he lived nearby. why me out of all the guys there
me: like i said he knew u were from outta town n was being nice
him:anyways we went to his house
me: and?
him: chuckles, nothing, but his girl should be suspicious, cos she came home n was mad that i was there
me: ???
him: didn't unotice that they left the party early, she was still mad ( they did leave the wedding kinda early)
him: anyways, he is gay
me: did anything happen
him: i didnot say that, all i know is he is gay
me: now way u have it all wrong jose
n we left it at that. till date, i don't know if anything happened or maybe its just a figment og my brother in laws imagination but all i know is my self n the girls r in her wedding coming up in two mths. i did ask my girl friend why she left the party early, n she said she can't remember but she think she might have had a headache.
am i wrong for not bringing up these concerns? i don't really think its my place to meddle with soemthing so grave. but i keep wondering if it where me n if things actually turned out that the guy was gay n i didnot know n my friend did n she never said a word. i would be upset. i don't know. i have kept mute so far but i can't help but wonder sometimes n my girl is spending big time bucks on her wedding. she is paying a $100 per head for each guest at the wedding for the location n food. evrything else is extra.
me i don't know this one pass me small
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13 comments:
Chineke!!!!!!!!!!!!!abeg oh! this one na real wahala. If na my sister, i go tell but anybody else........i'd probably leave an "anonymous" tip or something indirect cos you know Naija babes.........the way dem fit live in denial..., make dem no go talk say u dey break "happy home".
By the way, if your brother-in law is gay and he says that the guy is gay, then he is RIGHT. They don't normally take that kind of risk except they both know they are gay (incase the guy turns out to be heterosexual)so for sure that guy is gay.
this is tricky, try leave tips like W says may be babe go catch or she might know the guy swings both ways! tough one girl tread softly o!
We had this problem about 1 1/2 years ago. One of my best friends (known her for over 10 years) was dating a guy that we found out was gay. Pics online, interviews with his ex-lovers, that sort of thing. In fact, another friend of ours knew some bi-sexuals and was the one who did the digging. Anyway, he (investigating friend) told her about her boyfriend. They broke up for a while and then the boy (her boyfriend) told her it was a threesome that went wrong (yeah, right).
Anyway, she believed and still believes that he was and is the love of her life and is now back with him. She seems much happier than she was when they weren't together.
My point is that, most times, our female friends know exactly what they are getting into and have chosen, for whatever reason, to be with the one they love regardless of his sexual orientation. I don't know if your in-law has cause to lie, but something tells me that your girl knows. You can find a way to hint to her, but ultimately, all you can do is be her friend through thick and thin. If things work out and her man is not gay, we thank God. If, however, it turns out he is a flaming queer, well, all you can do is support her if she gets hurt.
Goodluck to her and her wedding and of course, to your friendship.
thanks y'all. if she knows n doesn't mind then thats ok. but its just the thot of her not knowing that bothers me. but they have lived together for i think 2 yrs now. there should have been signs right? i don't know. u hear of all these downlow brothers out there.
one thing i know sha is that he appears to love her. i have known him since he started trying to talk to her n have been kinda thru d relationship wiv them. he is very quiet, soft spoken, cute to say the least. i know someone has asked me b4 i think long time ago. but whatever the case he treats her well. my friend can be extremly spoilt, selfcentered n downright controlling soemtimes but he understands her n puts up with it n they get along just fine. maybe thats allthat matters.
La i la!!! Solomonsydele (sp correct??)is very right, most times we know what our m,en are but we just chose to ignore and live in denial, then when someone has the courage to voice it out to us then we start beefing the person.
She most probably has an idea if he really is that way inclined but chooses to have him all the same, thats her choice to make u know.
U can find a way of asking her by telling her some gal on ur "blogworld" suspects her man is gay/bisexual and they are planning to get married and now she wanst some advise!!!! and u dont know what to tell her. what does she think????
U might be able to know how to handle this situation from her suggestions.
Meanwhile my friend has an issue too pls visit www.babeplus.blogspot.com/ and help me out. ( by the way this is s real friend oh, not me ahaha ah aa ha ha )
Why do people still marry these gay guys? I don'tknow your bro-in-law, but something tells me he's not lying, but his girlfriend(your friend) must suspect something. Either way, it's not our role to beat the truth or some sense into her, all you can do is pray for her and be there for her.
If he was on your Brother-in Law's gaydar, then he is probably gay, or at least bi- sexual! There are so many undercover brothers out there, women just have to be careful! Chances are, he probably loves anal sex, a la brokeback mountain! lol!
Meddling never works though, so don't try telling her point blank.You could try what Babe-Plus suggested, act like its a third party thing, and you should be able to infer from her reaction or response what she thinks.
Best of luck to her though, I hope things work out for her!
It is VERY tough !
I really dont know what to say. One thing I think you should know is that women are more aware and accepting of this than you know.
Take heart and wish her well, there is very little you can do really.
my dear just leave it..my mum always says unless its your sister don't put your mouth in man and woman trouble.pray for her and wish her well she probably knows if not the anonymous tip or babe plus's approach may be all you can do, cus she may confront the guy he will deny and you will become a "bad person".
A friend of mine told her friend her husband was having an affair at first she thanked her..now she doesnt talk to her anymore.
Its a difficult one cus I am in a similar situation.
My friends husband has a mistress and its so heart breaking cus its not a fling he been with this girl for year,everyone (except wifey)knows her the mistress tells people she is going to marry the guy.I thought about the anonymoue email, sms etc but finally we were just gisting about cheating husbands and just from our gist I know its something she would rather not know..cus in her words "its better i dont know cus once I know me and my kids are out" now I dont want to break her marriage so my lips are sealed. Infact from our gist its obvious that she suspects her husband fools around, and who knows she may even know about the mistress.
Now if they were not married yet I would find a way of letting her know without telling her directly.
My 2cents: Your BIL is a trouble-maker, your friend is more aware of things than you think and I'd advise you don't say anything because you have no evidence but the word of your crazy BIL who won't even tell you what really happened.
Her big lavish wedding may be her response to herself and all the mockers to say "Watch me make this work".
wow. i dated someone that EVERYONE thinks is gay. funny cause the guy cracks jokes about it all the time... he's seemingly comfortable with his sexuality (he swears he's straight). At the time I liked him so much, and despite his flaming personality (hissy fits, diva behavior, "metrosexualism", hand flicking, etc etc etc, I believed him...because i desperately wanted to...and because nigerian men are just so hard to peg (you know the whole naija metrosexual movement--tight pants, manicures/pedicures etc etc).
deep inside though...hmm...deep inside I believe he is as queer as they come...and he's just in denial.
A VERY good friend of mine was once married to a girl he had been with for 10 years in Nigeria. Then he confessed to her that he had been gay all along! Needless to say... she, her family and his family were devastated by the news! They were divorced within a year. She went to counselling and has since married and had children. (this happened about 10 years ago!)
My friend, the guy, says he always knew he was gay (from secondary school in Nigeria) and has had plenty of gay relationships with guys who have gone on to be married (unfortunately he named names... and I see some of these guys around!). He always had girlfirneds (because that was the "done" thing)... he is very good looking, soft spoken and consierate... girls loved him... especially because he wasn't always trying to get into their pants!... so when he met his girlfriend (future wife) it was easy to settle down into the relationship. They had a healthy sex life... he just also had a healthy sex life with other guys who had A LOT to lose if they ever opened their mouths!!... an no-one was wise to what was going on. Things progressed to marriage... then one day, when everyone started pressuring about starting a family, he realised that he couldn't live with the lie... and confessed to his wife!
Lucky for them, things have worked out OK... to the extent that he and his partner of the lats 9 years are "God parents" to her children!! How civilised!!
My point is... I have none! Just that appearances can be deceptive!! I'm a bit of a "fag-hag" and have a few gay friends (due to knowing this guy for the last 10 years... I met him the day after he came out... and I introduced him to his current partner... who by the way was dating my friend at the time... a girl!!)... some of these gay guys are sooo well disguised. They walk like chickens, talk like chickens, but are actually DUCKS!! In this climate of "tolerance" they are still very aware of "fitting-in" especially in the Nigerian / black community. As for the ones I know of that are married with kids.... that's a WHOLE different blog!!
OK... my point... tell her. Maybe an anonymous letter? Or the "my friend needs advice" story... but she needs to be pointed in the right direction. How are you going to feel if things ever go wrong... and you knew!
Homosexuality in a heterosexual marriage is no joke!!
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