i supposedly took a leave of absecnce from blogville. i know but i had to come n share this with my adopted family at blogville. i am in soo much awe of what happened. may be i am just being naive or as i have been told oversensitive. i will let u'all formulate ur own opinions.
right now, my eyes r blodd shot red fron crying, i am sniffling, n just trying to get my thots straight.
here is a dialogue that ensued probably 1 hr ago
hubby: so dear why again did u ask my brother to ocme get some food? did he ask u for some or what?
me: no he did not ask me for some. like i told u yesterday when i called u to ask 4 his number, i just felt like being nice to him. afterall he is my brother in law. i made alot of efo so i felt he could use some if he wanted.
hubby: but why though? he has been here in atl 4 about a yr n u have never offered him a plate of food b4. why d change of heart.
me: we he lived with us for half the time so why would i offer him food. anything cooked was up for grabs 4 anyone that lives here. i mean was i expected to ask him everytime if he wanted some food. besides he ate whatever he wanted whenevr he felt like. he needed no invitation
hubby: well i still want to know why the change of heart. he has been living on his own since november n u have never once cared abt him so why now
me: see me see trouble oh! i was feeling kind n i offered ur brother food. is that a crime. abeg next tiem i wont offer him anything if am going to have to go through interrogation like this.
hubby: (after about 20mins , he is climbing up in bed) well he isn't coming to get any food.
me;: oh?
hubby: i talked to him this morning, he isn't coming
me: he could have called me. what r u guys trying to insinuate anyways? i can't offer things out of the kindness of my heart.
hubby: its just real suspect thats all.
me: what??? r u trying to say i am trying to poison his food or what?
hubby: u said it not me but hey u can never say
me: oh my gosh! how can u even think that of me? didn't u eat out of the same food?r u saying i can poison u too?
hubby: all i know is that its just weird
me: oh my God! u have turned me into some kind of wicked witch. what would i do somethign like that 4. he doesn't bother me n i don't bother him
me: u know what to hellwith ur folks. i can never do enough or good 4 them
hubby: what abt urs. i see thru their facade. they don't like me either
me: at least they don't go abt talking abt u behind ur back. they always say good things abt u all d time
hubby; thats what u say. but anyways don't worry gosh darn it u 're going to get ur citizenship1 they don't have to worry abt that
me: what d hell. r u stryingto say i married u or they let me marry u cos of papers?
hubby: silence
me: if thats d case, lets call immigration mow n tellthem that theres no need. we r not going trhu wiv this anymore.
me: i called immigration n said here i have done d leg work 4 u. tell them what u want. he refused to take the phone
me: look i don't need u 4 anything. b4 u came along i was doing exremely wellby my self for my self.
hubby: silence
i storm out call my mother n start packing my shit. u d hell does he think he is?
rewind a bit.
if u've read my prior post, u'd have learned of the only kinda fallling out i had with his brother. it was just once but its been like three times n the spiritual realm. the day we had that falling out, i had dreamt thatmy self n hubbys brother had an argument. as i am walking back upstairs, i look back n see him trying to stab me in the back with a knife. he stops n i send him packing. as soon as he opens the door to leave, hubby comes back form home n sees him wiv his stuff, didn't even listen to what i had to say n starts blaming me. as soon as i woke from this dream, my husband walks thru d door, just coming back form work. d ist thing he asked me was how r u? how was my brother., everything ok. i was stumped. anyways i tellhim to sit down while i procedd to tellhim a short version of the dream i had just woken up from.
so my husnabd decides to prevent any issues to call his brother n just lay down the rules of staying wiv us. read my prior blog i believe titled "have u been called a nigga b4".
thats just dream one. dream too actually happened the night b4 my brother-in-law decided to leave the house. i didn't tell anyone abt my dream till after wards. i told hubby. hubby n his brother had a falling out n his brother decided that he couldn't abide by his rules so he was better off getting his own place. i had absolutley nothing to do with it. i think they fellout cos his brother oj was driving one of his cars n never checked the oil. when he has a flat, he calls hubby to come change it for him. he is like 24 yrs old i belive. anyways when my hubby brought this up the biy siad well my mom took care of all that stuff for me when i was home!!??
anyways like i said, he just decided he couldn't live by his brothers expectations n decided to bounce.
meanwhile i had dreamt d night b4 that me n him had a falling out again n that cosed me n hubby to get seperated.
ok third dream was after he was gone n same thing, me n him having a falling out.
i was watchign joel last night. listening to him preach. n i made a decision to be icer to d boy despite all n just let go of whatevr i had against him. i guess i was stil abit upset that he had insulted me by callign me third world. but anyways i call hubby, ask him for his brothers number n tell him i am going to call him n as him to come pick up a plate of food. i m thinking inmy head, efo is his favorite anywyas, he will probably be in heaven if i call him. he loves food.
i call him, khe sounds estatic n says spinach stew, yum, i will be there to pick it up tomorrow
funny thing is i kinda debated asking him 4 like 4hrs. hubby left 4 work around 6 n i didn't call him till 10 to ask him. another thing i can't shake off is that its like there was fire in front of me n i willingly put my fingers in it!
apparently he must haev called hubby n told him ur wife offered me food n i am not going to take it. i just can't believe that they would think abt soemthign like that. especially hubby.!!
well i told him he must be the bigger fool if he married soemone he doesn't know. how can he possibly think i am capable to something like that.
i told him if thats the case then i would advise him not to eat d meals i make becos how does he know they r not poisoned.
well,i cried my eyes out. packed some of my things with the girls in a heap in suitecases that r just lying there upstairs. we r not talking. my mom's not purchasing tickects for me to come home. i have a job interview in another hr n a half. i am exhausted. my phone is ringing off the hook cos i am helping 2 girl friends plan their wedding. one nxt mth the other in june n i am trying to be as cheerful as ever. my girls r wondering why momy is crying. i have been told by my uncle who is like my confidant. mes my moms brother that i am over reacting. he said. hen to ba je pe ori pelu obirin imi nko. kilo ma wa se.?
i need take a deep breath.
omara where r u?abeg when r u coming back from portugal
bluntremi: thanks 4 d concern i need time to get some things in order. but now u can't get a glimpse.
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15 comments:
Hello, I can understand why your husbands actions hurt you,but please take it easy. God already gave you a sign that your b-i-l could come btw you and your husband, so you shouldnt be too suprised.
What you husband said about the citizenship..almost unforgiveable(almost). I mean when people argue they say alot of stuff. I have told my husband some nasty stuff before but thank God we always work round it, cus like your mum, my folks won't let me omve back in. This marriage thing is one institution the devil tries to destroy at all costs. i am sure your husband loves you, now I don't know how long you have been maried but sometimes when a spouse has to take sides he chooses that sibling he has known all his life versus his wife..its wrong but it happens eventually as you guys grow closer he will take sides with you. the devil through his brother planted thoughts in his head, and as ridiculous as the thoughts were once he entertained them he started to believe them. My sister I agree/disagree with your uncle..you r reaction was not in your wise or in your best interest but you did not overeact( i may have done the same). the important thing is for your husband to know that he has hurt you, and if he values the relationship he will come and apolgise. I have seen smaller things escalate and break up marriages and I know you don;t want to be a statistic. Please no more talk about moving out just pray to God and ask him to remove any negatives from your marriage. They say blood is thicker than water but remeber what you and your husband have is not water, its the same blood- for two have become one, and what God ahs joined together let noone and nothing put asunder.
After a while your husband will regret what he said (probably a seed that "someone" put in his head.."all this third world women want just one thing citizenship"
What you did for your b-i-l was not wrong ie..offering him food, always show him love but at the same time don't go out of your way to talk to him or whatever, just show him kindness whenever your paths cross and love him from the bottom of your heart. Wipe away your tears.
Hi! just read all your posts!(insomnia, couldn't sleep),well, from your description of your husband, I doubt if he really believes that you could have put something in the food! Remember, he is "akata"! I guess he thought it was "weird" that you suddenly called his brother up!but really, who cares? If his brother does not want the food, its his loss! okay, the "immigration comment" was quite tough, but you know what, I am sure he just talked to his brother who must have been saying all kinds of stupid shit! He is the one that is "thirdworld" for thinking you are trying to poison him! hahahahah!thats funny! and you know, perhaps he just wanted to say something really spiteful and that is all he could come up with! it was not a nice thing to say, but at the same time, people can become really protective when it comes to their family. I think you should calm down, take it easy and have a talk with your husband! I don't think you over reacted at all, I'd probably react the same way!
@chioma and waffarian,
thabks soooo much 4 ur comments. i am actually doing much better. after a loooong conversation with my mom, i went n put back all my stuff right where they belong. change of heart came with the talk. my mom really put htings in perspective. people say hurtfultings especially when they r stressed, pressured or upset. theymaynot mena it or like waffarian said just to spite u n get the worst out of you.
my mother asked me to simply think about it. its just words as harsh as they were, deep down i know he didnot mean them. some battles are worth fighting n this may not be d battle. i can't just pack my bags n leave everytime soemone says soemthing 2 me. i wouldn't do that in the work place or anywhere else so why let words runme out of my marital homes especially since i know he didn't really mean them n i know the source.
solution: fight the battle that is really worth fighting n that is the devil thru his advocate my b-i-l. n i can do that thru prayers.
like i said inthe post my self n hubby didn't speak till he left 4 work. he called from work at about 2.a.m n asked if my things were still packed ina very sad pitiful voice of course. i said no n that was the end of the conversation. needless to say that i have been out all day shopping. he even called off work. i know the gifts don't take place of a true heart felt apology n they don't take back the words said nut u am i to refuse the gifts. shooo ilove being spoiled also. anyways when the wounds aren't as open, we will revisit the incident but for now. i will let bygones be by gones.
btw did i tell u that the idiot. ok i take it back i am on the forgiving part. came anyways to eat the meal!!!!!. i was so over it. i just went in my room n shut the door didn't come out. n ofcourse i made sure hubby was there to see him eat d fod.
good for you girl! All well that ends well..Thank God for sensible people around you i.e your mum and her brother.. I know a few parents that will be like "Kini?pack out immediately" Like you said you can revist the issue later.
In my language we will say your b-i-l has akpili ogologo (long throat)lol, so after stirring up your hubby he came to eat..everyone likes awoof.
Anyway I am happy you guys have resolved things fast and don't forget your weapon of warfare --Prayer!
You mean say after all that palaver, the mumu still come wac! i hope say you make am extra spicy so fear go catch am small! Its vals day, abeg treat yourself jare!
Snm, if i had your number i would have called you now. Have been offline for a while so missed your last two posts. Men speak first and think later, and that's if they think at all! I am glad you are Feeling better and have unpacked. Ma fun eshu laye. I will stand in agreement with you that all is well. Funny how people who dont like you get confused when you start being nice. Continue to be true to yourself and be nice and follow your heart. It is well. Love to the girls and save me some efo.
kemi, thanks so much dear. i am glad i can put it all behind me at least for now. and yes u r definately right. men definatley speak first n think later. i have to make sure that i keep that in mind whenever stupdiness starts to come out his mouth again. thbaks for all the support n kind words my extended family. i hope u'all had a nice valentines day. did d usuall flowers, chocolate, dinner and a movie thing. i guess i couldn't expect much more after the all the shopping yesterday. n i stuck to my guns i didn't do anything for him this valentines period. my creative juices will probably stir up nxt yr.
Hmmm What your Husband said was wrong, but true talk men speak first and think later i am sure he never meant that!. Patience with your husband is a good trait as i am learning myself you need to be tolerant with men. I say when you decide to marry someone he has got to love you 110% you are entrusting your life and heart with someone else.. haba you want them to take care of it as best as you would too! so taking the brothers side i think is wrong your husband knows you so why all the suspicion??? are you generally not nice to your inlaw?? even one or two arguments would not seem suspect by offering food because if your husband knows you he knows your person and knows despite a lil argument with your inlaw you are still capable of reaching out. all this one nah my own opinion oh!! I really cant see where the problem is asking your inlaw to colect food na wow... Marriage nah work sha ooo and GOD!! thats all i can say.. Is anything bothering your husband at the moment? maybe just stay out his way he'll come to his senses and apologise.. My moto is never let a man treat you worst than you would treat yourself only you have the right to do that.. I know marriage is give and take.. but to what extent you are his wife haba you guys are family now he is not married to his brother!! Just take it easy babes dont get too stressed out... dont beg him oh!! cos men have a way of turning things round, but if he wants to talk , talk but be calm dont argue with him you want him to see his fault... Good Luck Babes
My sweetie! How upsetting. I can totally get where you are coming from and this is where you have to be STRONG. God has shown you in the spiritual what the enemy has planned and who he wants to use. He can use anybody and it is a waste of your time dealing with individuals when you really should be facing the enemy in prayer. Nobody will separate you and your husband. He does love you and was 'testing' you somehow. Don't fall for the bait. I have told my husband before that it would have been cheaper for me to 'buy' the British pali than to marry him - ofcourse I was angry and he never took me seriously anyway. Do what they least expect - be nice. Laugh off their fears. Hubby will come to his senses soon enough and as for your brother in law... leave him to God. Pray about this, hand it over to God and then be at peace. Don't go fighting your battles yourself. If you need to vent, do it in blogville. We're always here.
yeepee omara u're back. thanks 4 the words of encouragement. and this ofcourse to everyone. i have really soaked in all that i've read. i know it is well. how was ur vacation? i hope u had fun n r well rested.
Glad 2 see I was missed. Check out my latest post for my holiday update plus new nanny probs. I'm happy u & hubby have made up. How did the job interview go?
omara, d job interview went well, God took control n things went a way i wasn't expecting. we will see sha. i hate the wait period n it doesn't help that the lady went on vacation soon after. she will be back nxt week so i'll let u know.
funny things is the way i know my interviews went well is when somehow somewhere we start talking or they ask me about the kids. i guess people get wowed n we just go from there. i usually always get the second call back. n we did speak about the girls. n she sounded very ethusiastic even when i was giving up on logisitics. we will she sha, i'll keep u posted.
If it's the right job you will certainly get it! The last thing you want is to land a job you'll hate. It's never worth the stress.
hi i feel your pain i tell u, in-lwas can be a pain but i tell u, u don't want to fight with ur husband over them. they're not worth it.u'll only be giving the the last laugh. just take it easy with him ok.
wow i cant even begin to understand your struggle.He probably got the idea of immigration problem from his brother. You know how they might talk about nigerians.
May God see you and your husband through
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