ok breath just breath. wooosaa, woosaaa, i say to my self while trying not to swear and curse under my breath as i try to calm one of my three yr old triplets and my self down. my daughter simply could not comprehend why she had to wait behind all these people to get on the train ride at the aquarium. after all life is all about me. here she is on the floor screaming and yelling mummy i want to ride train, mummy i want to ride train. u know darn right if that scene was in naija or else where, that child would have gotten a good ole beat down.
how many times have i witnessed a kid usually white i don't know if coincidence, throwing a tantrum in public and i swear up and down oh if that was my child she would be dead by now. that kid probably don't get a spanking at home.
but here i am, at loss of words. and i am sure there r people in line wondering or saying to themselves thats what u get for not discipling ur child or oh if that were my child......
but reality is, my self and my husband do believe in discipline. we r firm believers in spare the rod and spoil the child but how do i get to be in the same predicament with people who don't believe in spanking. so is it even worth it. i know it worked on me and my siblings but it just seems like the generation of kids these days r just a different breed..
i mean , imagine, my husband and i were called out of church to go get our kids because my triplets were in the sunday school huddled together on the other side of the room from the other kids holding hands while throwing a fit. i mean it was a spectacle even for the group of 3-5 year olds watching in amazement and probably shocked at the unisom with which the girls threw their fit.
we walked thru the door and silence. except for the ocassional sniffles u know when u have cried for a bit and u r still shuddering and siffling after its all done.
oh, they knew they were going to get it when they got home but it didn't stop them the next week when i was shopping with them and the girls decided to strip to their pull ups and run in different directions all over the store when i attempted to try on a little jacket on one of them. of cause this was hilarious to them but where do i categorise this?
we r just being mischevious kids
or just being plain ole bad regardless of the consequences.
hmm
is that a grey strand?
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2 comments:
OMG!!!
Did I read correctly?? TRIPLETS???You are a frigging Superwoman in my book!
These kids are much smarter...way smarter than we give them credit for. My son is the same way @4 , I am a firm believer in discipline and would use everything in my power to get him to behave...weird thing is it works when I am there, and it disappears when I leave! And I havent a clue how to correct it either!
All I can say is kudos to you too...maybe they will grow out of it?!?!
I was really interested to read your blog... my daughter is nearly 3. She goes totally off the rails sometimes... for no apprent reason. She also ALWAYS wants to choose what she's wearing... trousers, football shirt and BRIGHT red socks. No dresses, no skirts and no tops that look pretty! She will scream the place down to get her own way and can quite happily fall alseep crying... wake up and start again... just to get what she wants!!
I believe strongly in discipline and my parents brought me up with discipline... so her behaviour sometimes leaves me lost for words... wondering "where have I gone wrong?" what do I do now... in the middle of the shop with everyone staring... don't really want to spank or shout in public (I don't believe in shaming children! They need dignity too... imagine how ashamed you would feel if spanked in public!)... but my child is rolling on the floor... screaming!!
At home...
If I smack her...no effect. She cries... then does it again. She even once said... "mummy you already smacked me!! I do again!"
If I threaten to take away her toys... sometimes works, sometimes doesn't. Once she went to get the toy herself!
If I send her to the naughty chair... she goes, sits out the time and comes back and does the thing again.
If I say "honey, don't touch that" ... she uses her foot instead... then says "but I didn't touch it with my hand!!"... well what can you say to that?!
All in all, she is actually an adorable (very clever!) child. However, she's 3... that's what 3 year olds do!
I called my mum up once asking "how can I discipline her? make her do what I want?".... my mum just said "you can't!" She advised me to just take a step back and imagine what it's like to be 3. The wonder and fascination of the world thru a 3 year old's eyes. Then imagine someone always telling you... don't touch, don't do, don't say, don't chout.... frustrating!! All the frustration then comes out thru tantrums and playing up!! ... and sometimes it is just plain fun to sit and scream!!
I think I understand now... (after months of trying!)... no more battles about what to wear, what to eat, what to do... all I can do is guide gently in the right direction. If she has a screaming fit... I watch, don't say anything but comforting words, give loads of cuddles... (sometimes I walk away - if I know she's safe - and give her time to work it out of her system) believe me, it works! She calms down quickly, I praise her for calming herself down so quickly and we move on with the next fun activity!
I know it sonds like all the "fluffy" oyinbo advice you get... and you've got 3 to contend with!... but try some positive reinforcement.... tell them how wonderful they are, when they are behaving well, how much you like spending time with them... when you are all doing something fun together! It's a learning process for kids... they get to understand that mummy is happy and giving them loads of attention WHEN THEY BEHAVE WELL! As soon as they do anything naughty, turn away and give loads of praise to the well-behaved child. Never give attention when they are naughty... shouting at them or smacking is giving them attention. Just stay silent. THEN praise when they start behaving again. It works. Try it!
I'm putting a hold on smacking until she's a little older and has developed a little more of her own identity. Hopefully by then, she'll have a habit of behaving well (becoz she's learnt that's the best way to get my attention!) and I'll only have to smack her for REALLY BAD things.
Also remember, it's a developmental stage... they have to start being able to get what they want and use their own resources to get it! If you always dampen their spirit, they end up as children (and adults) who always "follow" and do not LEAD. They can also be prone to being unable to make their own decisions and stand by them... like what profession to pursue (you get me?)... maybe becoz they've ALWAYS had to do what their parents' wanted. Let them win SOME battles for independence...
If all else fails... hand them over to their dad and go out for a nice hot chocolate... let him deal with it!!
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